1. Too much stress literally causes the human brain to freeze and shut down temporarily.
2. Drinking chocolate milk has been proven to help relieve muscle soreness after a workout
3. Drinking ice water burns about 1 calorie per ounce
4. If you want to change something about yourself, repeat your intentions over and over. Eventually your brain will get into a new pattern
5. Drinking two cups of water before meals can make you lose an average of 4.5 more pounds within 12 weeks than if you don’t
Me: Well shit here we go again
Me: Holy hell did this water met from an iceberg or something
Me: BITCH IF YOU JUMP ON ME I WILL KILL YOU
Me: Oh no bitch, you’re not going first if you skipped warm ups.
Me: 400 IM? Take me now
Me: LIGHTNING GODS I COMMAND THEE TO SHOW YOURSELF
Me: SPEED THE FUCK UP
Me: SLOW THE FUCK DOWN
Me: Butterfly? BEEP BEEP MOTHER FUCKER, SWIM ON THE CORRECT SIDE OF THE LANE OR I’M GOING TO GIVE YOU A CONCUSSION
Me: I could go for an XXL Pizza right now
Me: Mmmm that lifeguard is hot
Me: Is that a boner?
Me: I need to shave.
Me: I feel like a whale
Me: Did you just piss in the pool?
Me: *Jamming out to my favorite song*
Me: Is it over yet omfg.
Me: *WHEEZES FOR AIR*
Me: Was distance created as a torture device?
Me: Awh hell no you did not just touch my feet.
Me: Im going to be bald when I take this cap off
Me: Hey guys lets talk about team phelps and team lochte
Me: SWIM ON SOMEONE ELSE BITCH
Me: Omfg what am I doing with my life
Me: WHY DID CALL ME MABEY GET STUCK IN MY HEAD WHY
Me: Is my coach high or something
Me: THOU SHALL NOT PASS
Me: Cramp cramp crAMP CRAMP CRAMP RAMP
Me: Oh distance again? I’ll just chill on the bottom of the pool
Me: *Dying whale noises*
Me: Backstroke? Fuq tha police, I’m pulling on the laneline
Me: IF YOUR STAYING ON THAT WALL YOU BETTER FUCKING MOVE OR I’M FLIP TURNING OFF YOUR BOOBS AND IT’S NOT GONNA FEEL FUN.
Me: Hoe did you just call this 50 hard?
Me: Starts? PRAISE THE LORD THERE IS HOPE
Me: Warmdown? YES YES YES YES YES YES
Me: I HAVE MADE IT I AM ALIVE I CAN DO ANYTHING I CAN CLIMB THE HIMALAYS BRING WORLD PEACE CURE CANCER INVENT TIMETRAVEL *Flops out of the pool*
Me: Now where the fuck is my food
Me: …I’m doing this again tomorrow. FML.